British tabloid newspapers tend to have ther own particular bugbears. For the Daily Mail, it’s immigrants and the EU; for the Express, it’s Princess Diana, the weather and Maddy McCann. But for the Express‘s grubby little sister paper The Daily Star, the fixation is with something far more exciting. Like a real life (if we can call the stories in the Star ‘real life’) version of a James Herbert novel, the paper has warned us again and again about the scourge of the rat – and not just any old rat. No, the Star is fixated on giant, mutant, killer rats – which I’m sure we can all agree are the best sort. Just look at these headlines – and I’m not even sure that this is a complete collection.
Oddly, most other papers have failed to pick up on this threat to human civilisation. More fool them.They’ll be sorry when giant mutant killer rats are ravaging the nation, leaving only forewarned Daily Star readers as survivors. And honestly, what future could be more dystopian than one where the world is dominated by those two groups?