This article, unsurprisingly, features images of naked people. If you are in a place where naked people are not deemed acceptable, maybe you should wait until you get home to read it.
It’s often said that is anything is popular, there will soon be a porn version of it. I’m not sure that is entirely true – no one seems to have found the erotic potential of Coronation Street yet to the best of my knowledge – but we do live in a world where there is Pokemon themed porn, so perhaps it is.
Doctor Who is one of those rare shared cultural experiences, at least in the UK – the damn thing has been on TV, with the odd break, for over fifty years, so by now, only the over-Sixties will have real memories of a pre-Who world. Even Americans who are not self-conscious geeks seem to know about the show these days. And so it is unsurprising that something so ubiquitous would be the subject of adult spoofs, no matter how much it distresses the BBC.
Sex came to the world of Doctor Who with a bang in 1978, when former Who star Katy Manning did a cheeky nude photo shoots with a Dalek for Australian magazine Girl Illustrated. Her non-Dalek shots were more revealing, but no one cared about those – here were pictures of an actual Doctor Who assistant, romping naked with his worst enemy.
She wasn’t actually the first glamour model to pose with Daleks – or the last. Their only emotion might be furious anger, but there’s clearly something about these robotic monsters that attracts the ladies. Actually, it’s easy to see why – Daleks look like a sex toy with other sex toys sticking out of it. The BBC should swallow their pride and license a range of Dalek butt plugs and vibrators.
Photo shoots are one thing, but what about actual movies and TV shows?
In 2005, Don Skaro – in reality, notorious London based magazine distributor Trevor Barley – branched out from making the unforgiveable Fantom Kiler series to make Abducted by the Daleks, in which naked East European porn stars are terrorised to no great effect by the mechanised monsters. The BBC were none too pleased, and threatened legal action – an attempt to hide the use of Daleks by changing the sleeve title to Abducted by the Daloids fooled no-one, especially as the actual film titles still said ‘Daleks’. 55 minutes of nothing happening, the film does the unforgivable – it makes a combination of naked women and Daleks seem dull.
Also in 2005 came the hardcore spoof Dr Loo and the Phaaleks – aka Dr Loo and the Filthy Phaaleks, in case you were in any doubt as to the nature of the film. Made by the short-lived Doll Theatre, who were one of the many UK porn studios to emerge in the wake of hardcore’s legalisation – the film starred Alicia Rhodes and Donna Marie, and was directed by ‘Gorgeous Gee’. Gee whizz! It is, of course, numbingly awful, with the worst acting you’ll ever see, zero production values – just look at those Daleks, sorry, Phaaleks – and only the most cursory attempts at plotting. You can still find this on adult tube sites, should you be a Who spoof completist.
The Adult Channel’s Doctor Screw, on the face of it, promises just as little but actually proves to be a lot of fun. Originally shown in a soft version on TV, it was later released as a hardcore DVD. Over six episodes, the Doctor and his assistant Holly travel through time and space in a portaloo TARDIS, meeting and shagging cavewomen, hippies, androids and Nazis, while dealing with evil would-be conqueror the Mistress.
Some effort has been put in here – the special effects are not half bad, the script is witty and Mark Sloan is excellent as the Doctor. This one is actually worth seeking out.
Most recently, we come to Dr Whore, an American spoof .
Made by Woodrocket.com, Doctor Whore: A XXX Parody comes from director Lee Roy Myers and writer A.J. Slater, and stars Skin Diamond, April O’Neil, Tara Lynn Foxx, Ava Dalush, Jodi Tyler, Aaron Wilcoxxx, Richie Calhoun, Kris Slater, and Brian Street Team. Myers is the creative genius behind Porks & Recreation, SpongeKnob SquareNuts, and Game of Bones, so you can expect quality.
The show is available free on the Woodrocket site, with an extended Director’s Cut on DVD and VOD coming from Digital Sin.
We’ve also found this sleeve, but can’t find any other reference to it online. Was it ever made?
There’s also this online comic series, which features some rather familiar villains…
And we should probably share this picture of Kylie with a Dalek from a 2007 edition of Doctor Who Magazine. Is it just us, or does this have a touch of the Katy Manning shoot – albeit lacking nudity – about it?
If any reprobates out there know of any other sexy Doctor Who material, feel free to forward it to us – in the name of research, obviously.